Its about that time of the year.
it starts to warm up, and i immediately feel the need to do something with my plants.
Ive always had fear of failure, and I've pretty much mastered the plants that I've had for years.
Ive killed them several times, but they keep staying alive randomly 6 months later without any additional care. For some reason.
Ive managed to not only keep them alive for the last 3 years, but they are flourishing.
Yesterday, I decided to branch out of my comfort zone, and do something that I've wanted to do every year. I have refused to allow myself to plant flowers from a seed because of my fear that I wont see the fruit of my labor.
So what did i do yesterday?
Bought flowers that were already blooming:)
This also reminded me that I probably need to replant my existing plants, into some new soil.
Its funny how i can start a project, and turn on some music and God starts to speak to me in unexpected ways.
This plant looks pretty good!
Its beautiful, its thriving. I've been watering it regularly over the last year. Gets plenty of indirect sunlight that causes it keep growing and producing. All which are external.
I absolutely enjoy nothing about changing the soil out of my plants, but today was different.
The first thing I noticed as i began this task, was that the old soil was so hard and cracked.
I tried to turn the plant upside down to shake it out of the pot, but had no luck. I had to water to it, to initially soften the soil, just to get it out of the pot.
Next came, having to physically crumble the hard soil with my hands and break it all apart, to release the vines and roots. This is a big plant.
It took quite a while. Some parts where easier than others.
The parts that were the easiest, were the ones at the very top.
Where the most air and sunlight were exposed.
The most challenging was toward the very bottom.
where all of the roots had been entangling deep in the soil, in the dark over the last year.
It was difficult to remove the soil at the bottom, without damaging the soft long roots.
I then realized, i shouldn't have waited so long to change the soil out.
As long as the process took, finally the soil that was no longer fertilizing my plants was removed from the roots.
I'm gonna tell you right now, re-potting the soil in my plants is one of my LEAST favorite things in the world. Why do you think i only do it once a year?
I know deep down, if I just get over the fact that I have to purchase the soil, make a mess everywhere with said soils, and get my hands disgustingly dirty...My plants will eventually wither from improper care.
It was challenging, messy, and it took up a lot of my time. Time that I could have used elsewhere.
Not only that, but then these tender, vulnerable roots were exposed to the environment.
Pouring the new soil in was the easy part. It feels good, and it looks so much better.
But then came more challenges.
The placement of each vine in the pot.
I realized all of the leafy vines from the top of the plant had all become entangled.
Some of them were easy to figure out where they had sprouted.
Others where really long vines that all gotten caught up with each other in the soil removal process. And some actually connected completely to another vine on the other side of the pot.
As this challenge came, yet another one as well.
So add that into figuring out the placement of where to sink these roots into the new soil.
So that they weren't too close to the edges. So that it wouldn't stunt their growth and production.
To put them in the spots that not only balance out the outside appearance of the plant,
but so they stay in line with each other. To avoid becoming entangled and
messy without me even knowing it.
Once i was able to get the vines untangled, and put in a productive order
I was covered in dirt. It was exhausting. I wanted to give up.
I went inside, washed my hands off. Changed messy clothes.
But the end result was truly fulfilling.
As i placed it on the ground, i realized that without noticing a few of the leaves broke off during the process.
Ones that I initially felt sad, and some sort of attachment that i lost a few "good" leaves.
But in the end, will I miss them?
No.
I will gain many, many more now that my plant is in good, healthy soil
that will fertilize my plant to its fullest potential.
Until the fertilizer runs out,
and i have to do it again.
I know deep down, if i was to change it on time
next time around,
the soil will be softer.
It will break apart more easily.
I will remember which vines are attached to each other.
it will be greener.
it will be fuller.
it will have even more sprouts than this time.
it will have even more sprouts than this time.
and maybe next time,
i can give some of my plant away
to someone.
Someone that it will bless.
So that they can do the same for someone else.
This is the exact process that I've been living over the last year
of my life working the 12 steps at Celebrate Recovery.
Its not pleasant. Its hard. Sometimes exhausting.
Its painful sometimes.
But pain is never without purpose.
In order to grow, we must experience pain.
In the end, when we pick up the pieces of our hearts,
and our past.
We can more easily make peace, and gain acceptance.
Knowing that the end result will be fulfilling.
We will gain more tools, and understanding of ourselves
and our past.
So that we have freedom to truly experience all that our
higher power has for us.
Beauty. growth. sharing.
Its a journey.
One that i will be on for the rest of my life.
No longer only existing,
But Truly LIVING.
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